had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
