i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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