im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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