At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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