WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
