I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Do vagina's smell?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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