So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
