Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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