At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
