I wish my penis had an off switch
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
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