How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
