Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
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i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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