If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
