I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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