Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
