If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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