its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
