Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
