saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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