Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
