I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
