I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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