i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
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she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
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Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
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