Where is the hickey?
even my farts smell like vagina
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
