We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
