Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
