found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
