but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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