Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
