A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize