why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
