I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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