i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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