Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize