..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
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