so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize