Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
