I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
