It was confusing and full of hummus
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
