I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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