just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
This is my gift to your gina
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
