I think scott just propositioned me for sex
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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