Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
