oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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