we have pet lesbian snakes
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
