the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
