He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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