I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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