A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
