It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
