every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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