marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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