I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
