So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
