I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
