Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
