So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
