I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
