there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
