Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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