we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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