and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
you made out with another girl for some wings
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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