I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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