she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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