so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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