My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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