I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
