I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
