You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
