I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
