Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Girls should come with a carfax report
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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