she woke up with a sticky ear
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
There's always time for handjobs
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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