So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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