Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
