today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
this will be a night to untag.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
