i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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