I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
