Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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