careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
