I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Randomize
