I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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