ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
