I'm really into asian looking animals
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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