It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
