Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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