don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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